Breakfast with db: The Greatest Man Recipe in the

The Greatest Man

Recipe in the History of the Planet which may lead to World Peace and quite

possibly the conquest of the Universe, Time Travel, and the Buffalo Bills

wining The Super Bowl.




over baby whole lot of shaking going on…”



My food pyramid is round.

Somewhat donutesque, if you can believe that. I believe in the Circle of Eats.

In my round food pyramid, I have two food groups.




My round food pyramid has food rules.

I never eat anything I can’t spell.

I never eat anything that at one time could have run away in

the wild, if it doesn’t have a bar code on it, I don’t eat it.

I don’t eat bait. If

there is a lure that is even close to being based on what it is that you are

trying to get me to eat, don’t bother.

I don’t eat bugs. I

don’t care what kind of legs it has, if it has more than FOUR, it’s yours, not

my food.

I don’t eat seeds. If

there is a chance I won’t eat what the seed turns into once it is all growed

up, I’m not going to eat it while it is a baby.

If the food has been featured on Oprah, I won’t touch it.

And finally, the most important round food pyramid rule:

I don’t eat anything that the government says is good for me

because I don’t believe that the government is good for me.



it baby shake…”

I eat a balanced meal three times a day all day long. I try not to snack so I just eat all the


I am a fruit junkie and constantly eat fruit filled jelly

donuts, frozen fruit margaritas, and Cherry Garcia Ice Cream.

But there is one food that sits on the very top of my round

food pyramid, and that would be, Bacon.

I became a connoisseur of the miracle food that Bacon is

when I discovered that if you sprinkled enough of it on leaves, you could

actually keep a salad down. An L & T

sandwich had no chance until some brilliant cook added the B…imagine even

thinking you’d want to eat lettuce and tomato just stuck between bread.

If Bacon can’t make what you are about to eat better, don’t

eat it. There are two exceptions to that

rule that I have discovered though. Bacon does not add much to Ice Cream, and if you don’t mind chewing your

frozen margarita it’s not all that bad, but some people may be adverse to

chewing their booze.

My wife doesn’t believe me, but all she would ever have to

do is put a couple little dabs of bacon grease in her perfume sprayer thing and

she’d have my attention forever.

There is nothing on the planet more romantic than Bacon done



it baby shake…”



So, this week because T-Bend Louisiana is over yonder from

down yonder and that over here, in, over, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of

places to have breakfast of either food groups, walk-in or drive-thru, so the

Breakfast Club of me and the Elite anglers wives got ourselves invited over to

the Lintner’s cabin for breakfast eating.

And it was there that I found The Greatest Man Recipe in the

History of the Planet.

Keri Lintner, it seems, has been harboring a secret bacon


Sit yourself down to get ready for this bit of Bacon news.

I have discovered….


There is a real, very real chance I could get that knighted

thing over this since I’m thinking as soon as those royal dudes read of this

they might want to be switching around that fancy planning wedding dinner for

them two kids over there and just add Bacon.

Seems Keri Lintner has been holding out on us for years now

with this miraculous Bacon concoction, “db in my family growing up with

the Filipino heritage there was always a pot of rice on my parents stove. If we had chicken for dinner that night, the

leftover chicken was added to the rice and we had it the next day, or for


Somewhere along the line, Keri’s parents must have had a

real late breakfast, and had some Bacon left over, and dumped that into the


And magic was born.

Bacon Fried Rice.

And dudes, let me tell you this for a fact, if the first

cavemen would have come across a pot of this stuff first, before they saw the

women cavemen in the other cave, say if the pot was midway between the two

caves, the human race would have had very few laps to it…


it baby, shake…”

So here, for the total betterment of Man/Womankind, world

peace, travel to the galaxies, and the Bills winning the Super Bowl here is

Keri’s secret recipe (and what I consider my shoe in for the Nobel Prize).

Here’s how Keri told me to make it while not knowing I have

no idea how to cook or what it was she was saying. db’s First Ever attempt to write a recipe

(full disclosure to keep the food police channel off my back):

First: Find some

bacon and do whatever you have to do to make the bacon crisp.

Second: Make sure

that whatever you did to make the Bacon crisp it involved GREASE.



: Don’t pour the

grease down the drain or try to hide it in the garbage because you have to save

the grease and the more it smells and taste like bacon the better this is going

to be when we get to the end.

Fourth: Find a

skillet from the shelves up top or those hanging over the kitchen island (I’d

be a ton more specific but I’m not actually sure enough what a skillet is and

if I’m wrong the people who make skillets may start yelling the Libel word).

Five: Take the grease

you didn’t toss and now toss it in to whatever you believe a skillet to be, add

some stuff from the produce section of your frig, Keri recommends Onions and

Garlic, didn’t say how much but if you actually have onions and garlic in your

frig you get the gist. Whatever sauté

means, do it now.

Six: Get some eggs,

forgot to ask how many, pound them into pre-scrambled eggs and then pour the

runny scrambled eggs into a pan (Keri may only have one skillet thing) of

either hot olive oil or more of the bacon grease you didn’t throw away. Once the eggs go from runny to not runny get

them out of the pan and start chopping the stuff into bite size scrambled eggs.

Seven:   At some point

take number five, and number six, and mix them together

Eight: Take the rice

that has been on Keri’s stove all night, put that in a pan, then dump in both

six and seven, put a lid on the concoction and let it cook 15-20 minutes, or

however long it takes for you to get the rice to the point of it being the kind

of fried you like.

Nine: Rough chop up

the crispy bacon you made about a half hour ago, don’t make it into bacon bits

but stuff that still looks like you began with real bacon in the first

place. Dump it in what is now six, seven

and eight.

Ten: Let the whole

thing get crunchy.


: World Peace.


“Well I

said shake baby shake

I said shake baby shake.”

Whole Lot Of

Shaking Goin’ On.

Jerry Lee