In the past week, I have been cut off in traffic, honked at, about run over while doing 10 over the speed limit through Atlanta just trying to keep up and, specifically trying not to get run over. I’ve watched a half dozen cars rather obviously run red lights in my relatively small town of Auburn, Alabama. Worst of all, I got dog-cussed on the water. That was the one that hurt the worst, since the water is usually my sanctuary from all the madness of the world.
Of course, I’ve had a few genuine run-ins on the water in the past. There were even a few times, back in the day, when I was the aggressor — when fishing meant way too much to me and I took “an eye for an eye” a little too seriously. But it was Moses who said that; Jesus gave us the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.” I try to live by those words, but it can be mighty hard at times.
I was recently fishing alongside a dock at a boat ramp on my home lake, Lake Martin. I had just pulled up and was waiting on my wife to arrive to hop in the boat with me. A speedboat pulled up behind me, so I slid off to the side of the dock opposite the ramp so they could dock and take out. It was just me, the two guys in that boat, and a 40-foot dock. For reference, I was fishing the walkway of the dock beside the bank, and you could have docked four boats on the dock without a single one touching another or me. I figured I was plenty out of the way and I could hang there and wait for my wife.
Then I heard a loud, “Hey!” I turned to see who was yelling at who, never thinking someone might be yelling at me for something. The guy proceeded to scream at me that there were 80,000 acres of water I could fish and I had to choose to be right in his $&#*-ing way.
I was surprised, and said something like, “Hey buddy, everything is going to be OK. There’s plenty of room for you to pull up and dock.” Then he said to me, keep running your—” I’m trying to put this delicately; he referred to my mouth as something my mouth was not meant for.
I was definitely in shock at this point. Not even mad, just in shock. I knew then there was no reasoning with the guy, so I trolled off about 30 feet and they pulled up to the dock. As it turned out, the guy that was doing the talking was being dropped off at the dock. The guy driving the boat never said a word to me or a word to calm his (presumable) buddy down. When the guy got out of the boat, I could tell he was pretty intoxicated. The other guy in the boat took off and then it was just the two of us, though I was merely a distant onlooker at this point.
Realizing one of two things was about to happen (he was either going to be picked up or drive home) I called the sheriff’s department. It took the guy about 10 minutes to gather himself on the dock and then walk 100 yards to his truck. Then another 10 minutes or so for him to get his gear and himself in the truck. Meanwhile, my wife had arrived at the ramp and I had instructed her to stay in the car until the guy could get gone. He finally rolled out of the parking lot, and the cops weren’t able to get there in time. When he was gone, I called my wife to come get in the boat with me.
I was literally trembling when she got in the boat, and continued to do so for a good hour afterwards. I wasn’t scared. I was amped up and ready to go. Even though I wasn’t mad in the moment when it was happening, I kept thinking to myself, if I could have gotten my hands on him, I think I might have killed him. I’m not sure anyone could have pried my hands off his throat. Now, I’m not defending that emotion at all, and I’m thankful to the good Lord I never had the chance, that we were in different boats, and that peace, patience, gentleness, kindness and self-control came out of me at that moment. But I can tell you for sure, that would have been far from the case a few years ago.
I want to make sure you don’t think I’m painting myself in some kind of light and then throwing this guy under the bus. Five years ago, I was an alcoholic — like a half a handle of whisky a night kind of alcoholic. Thankfully, I never acted out like this man did in public. I was more of a lonely, miserable alcoholic that just wanted to drown his sorrows at night so he could sleep. But I have made my mind go back to that time, to fight for empathy and grace for this man. It’s helped, even to the point that I’ve chosen not to share the GoPro video of this whole exchange.
Be Better
This piece isn’t about making the worst in him famous, it’s about calling out the best in all of us, so that we behave differently, at least on the water. And then hopefully we’ll let that spill over onto the land and into our day to day lives. My wife told me something when we were dating that has stuck with me these last few years: “Hurt people hurt people.” What a profound statement. How many times have I lashed out and said something ugly to someone because they hurt me. This guy, he was hurting. And try as he might to cover his pain with booze, he was still lashing out. Knowing that he was hurting — and knowing that I was hurting when I used to drink heavily — helps me move towards love for the man, instead of hate.
In the moment, I wanted the cops to catch him drinking and driving, so there would be some retribution, and more importantly it would keep him from hurting someone else on the road. I didn’t care at all if he got hurt, I just wanted vengeance. But that old book I read has a passage in it that states, “‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” And right before those words, the instruction reads, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
By the grace of God and thanks to walking with Jesus since I sobered up 5 years ago, my automatic response wasn’t what it would have been when I was 25 or 30. Then, he or I would have toted a butt whooping. And even my delayed response has moved towards grace, whereas in my past life I would have relished the opportunity to plaster that video all over social media in hopes of making his life miserable. None of that would make this situation better though. If anything, it would have further normalized his extreme behavior and my vindictive spirit. Love, that’s what we have to move towards.
I know I’m getting preachy at this point, and I’m sure not everyone that’s reading this believes exactly what I believe. But there’s one last passage I want to share with you, one that lives inside my head and heart and challenges me everyday. Jesus was asked during his ministry on earth, what the greatest command of all was. He returned a two-part answer:
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:36-40
If we could all do just this, the world and the water would be a much better place.
